Before I jump into this I’d like to get two things clear: first, I cringe at the word “cis” as I am not a subset of my own sex, thank you very much and the second thing is something of a practical matter that is my chief complaint about transwomen:
Who the fuck dressed you?
Take this schlub (please!). There are two things very much wrong with this picture aside from the fact that it’s a man in garters and a miniskirt and they are the fact that this man isn’t dressing his age and Jesus, lordy, those colors!
Just looking at this picture (and others like it) is a lot like stabbing yourself in the frontal lobe with an icepick, except you don’t die and you don’t get severe brain damage. It just goes on….and on….and on.
Rather than sit booing from the cheap seats I’ve decided that I’m going to use my superior fashion sense to help these poor, misguided souls into help making this world more beautiful (and tastefully fashionable) because I’ve had it about up to here with it.
So let’s start with this guy. The main problem I have with these transwomen is that they dress in such a manner that is neither age appropriate (you are so not in your 20s) and that he dresses like a porn star (but, then again, most transwomen dress in a manner consistent with a man who watches way too much porn if he was to dress like a woman it’s a porn-soaked parody of what a woman should dress like).
Right off the top he does have somewhat nice legs for a man, but that mini has got to go, as do the garters and that plaid isn’t working for me or anyone else.
Now this is more like it.
For one, he’s a bit of a heavy-set fella so he should be wearing a high-waist either at or below knee level. For a shirt I think a button-down blouse would look good, something off-white or even the same color as the shirt this woman is wearing.
For colors, this boy is definitely an autumn so I’d recommend browns, tans and other autumn type colors. Stay away from plaids and purples.
Strap Is Crap
No, no, no!
Firstly, this one doesn’t have the shoulders to pull off a strap. Black works okay, but the strap has got to go. Sorry, dude, but you really need to cover up.
Here’s what I recommend:
The neckline is very tastefully done without revealing too much and the color works very well as he seems to be prefer navies and black, also a blazer would set it off very nicely.
As for the hair, blue is not your color. I’d go with a brunette or a chestnut.
Give Me Strength
There’s so much to unpack here I don’t know where to start.
Let’s start with the obvious one: pink is a no-no. Only a certain type of man can pull off a pink and you ain’t it, chief. The other is the midriff shirt and that doesn’t quite work with a waist-high skirt because the whole point of midriffs is to show, well, your midriff. I seriously don’t know what you’re trying to convey here.
I’m about to recommend something rather daring for this chap.
Unlike the last entry, this guy can pull of a strap pretty well so I’m going to go ahead and green light the strap and I’d also stick with uniform color designs until he’s confident enough to mix and match.
Oh Lord…
It’s not so much you want to wear women’s clothes, it’s your age! An older gent like you can’t go around rocking it like you’re a 9 year old girl aping like Shirley Temple. You simply must wear something age appropriate.
I recommend this.
A floor length with a long waistcoat and if you want to get bold and loud, prints are really the way to fly here and just about any color would work, even purple.
No. Just No.
So much wrong with this. It reminds me of the older gal at the bar who is past her prime but still tries to rock it as if she never got older and heavier - there are just some looks you can’t pull off with a tractor, this being one of them.
This is embarrassing.
Honestly anything other than this would do. I could dress him up in a burlap sack and it would still come out miles ahead of what he’s wearing now.
I would go with a knee-length although he kind of does have the shoulders for a spaghetti strap and the color works okay (just stay away from pink).
Help!
Again, dress your age and stay away from pink.
Being that you are a large, older man you need to dress as if you were a large, older man. That means you need to wear darker colors that have a slimming effect but for God’s sake, no pink!
Here’s what I have in mind.
This is definitely your speed.
Yikes!
Oh, hell no!
A skinny dude like you needs to not go within 500 yards of a tank-top, especially that canary disaster. The torn jeans I can get with, but the tank-top? No.
Here’s more your style.
Well, that’s about all I can recommend for now. I’ll be doing more installments like this as time goes on because I know this is sorely needed.