Due to popular demand I am now going to be doing this as a regular feature.
So let’s dive right in to this week’s fashion disasters and how much I need to intervene because…damn.
“I Can See Your Balls, Richard”
Hoo boy, your editor is really going to have to give a stretch Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four couldn’t pull off.
Where to start with this #disasterpiece?
Let’s go with the obvious: the tight reveal isn’t working here, luv. You’re trying to create the illusion you’re a woman but nothing kills that faster than drawing attention to Big Jim and The Twins.
Having said that, being a ginger is quite the power move so, naturally, we need to pick some colors to enhance - not dull - your fiery locks.
So far you’ve made a very good choice to Go Green. Most shades of green are instantly flattering to the redhead, and mossy and olive greens were made for you. You may want to stay clear of greens that have a yellow undertone because they can make you look washed out. Otherwise… say yes to green!
A bold bottle green is another perfect choice, and a misty sage green is equally complementary. When choosing any shade of green, go for the purest saturated colors for your best look.
Another good look is neutrals. Wardrobes require basic building blocks of neutral colors to mix and match; for the red-haired woman, the best of these are black, navy, tan and brown. Black works fabulously for redheads, and a variety of browns are appropriate, too. Look for chocolates, cinnamon browns and rich tans. Navy blue should be in the closet of every red-tressed (wo)man.
A good question usually asked is if neutral like white goes good with a pale-skinned ginger beauty? Absolutely!
Just ditch the tight reveal and you’re go to go.
I Would Have Thought We All Got The Memo About Pink
I see I’m going to have to to keep harping on this one until you all get the message that there’s only a certain type of boy who can pull off pink and - once again - you ain’t it chief.
James Bond actually does it better.
But James Bond you ain’t. Hell, you’re not even his ne’er-do-well brother.
Brunettes come in many skin tones and complexions, ranging from pale to dark and everything in-between. Skin undertones are sometimes less obvious. These fall into one of three categories:
Warm: Skin with yellow, golden or peachy undertones.
Cool: Skin with blue or pinkish undertones.
Neutral: Skin that's a mix of the above, or olive.
You’re more of the second category as you definitely are a brunette with pinkish undertones, possibly a neutral. If it's difficult to discern your undertone, focus on your eye color. Cool eyes are typically blue or gray, and warm eyes are typically brown, green or hazel. Understanding your inherent coloring is key when deciding what your best colors are.
Cools have a dramatic contrast to work with. Rich colors like black, deep blue, crimson and dark pink are lovely choices, as well as icy pastels like silver, sky blue, and light sunny yellow. Bright white and bluish reds look striking.
Pale skin with light to medium brunette hair looks best in soft shades and muted colors with cool undertones, as well as light neutrals. Look years younger in pale yellow, lavender, pale mauve, powder blue and soft white.
Anything but pink.
I Now Have To Give Make-Up Tips
No, blue is definitely NOT your color.
The trick to enhancing brown eyes is to first identify which pigments yours comprise which is something you have utterly failed to take into consideration.
You need to start rocking some warm rust. One of the best kept secrets by makeup artists is that smudging a warm brown eye shadow with coppery undertones onto the lash line will bring out green and gold flashes in brown eyes. Also good is hints of red in the shadow will contrast with any green or gold, making them look extra dramatic.
As for the lipstick I recommend a nice red. This can be flaming crimson for a night out on the town or a more muted red with brown undertones for everyday wear. The choice is yours; either way you’ll look red hot.
And you’ll thank me later.
And Some Of You Just Need Jesus
I can’t do nothin’ for ya, man.
Tune in again for another episode of Cis Eye For The Trans Guy.
I am now a paid subscriber. These posts in particular are just absolutely hilarious (and helpful of course.....) !