Welcome back to a new season of Cis Eye For The Trans Guy, back by popular demand and I would have thought after the first season some of these people would have wised up and followed my rather sensible advice.
Sadly, no - it’s gotten worse. Much, much worse.
Let’s just get right into the fresh Hell that awaits…
A Cry For Help
Oh, Josie dear, what a train wreck you are! On the one hand it’s nice that you found an outfit that matches but the style is just all wrong for you.
Blonde-haired women have a wide range of colors to choose from, as different shades or red, brown, mustard, pink, blue, gray, classic black and white are some of the best colors that suit blondes.
No purples. Purple is a no-no.
What you want is a sassy red! Red shades are one of the most suitable options for accentuating the naturally golden and luxurious undertones of blonde hair. The most important thing here is to pick the correct shade of red. Shades like alizarin and cardinal will be some of the most recommended options.
Scarlet red and pomegranate red will refresh the looks and light them up. Generally, the red shade is an ideal option for blondes, especially when it comes to date night looks. Still, you also need to avoid shades like purplish claret and burgundy.
And you need to cover those legs, honey. I suggest something of a floor length. Leave something to the imagination.
If I’ve Told You Gingers Once…
Completely ignoring the fact that this dress is definitely not for you - and it’s definitely not for you - I have said this before: most shades of green are instantly flattering to the redhead, and mossy and olive greens were made for you. You may want to stay clear of greens that have a yellow undertone because they can make you look washed out. Otherwise… say yes to green!
A bold bottle green is another perfect choice, and a misty sage green is equally complementary. When choosing any shade of green, go for the purest saturated colors for your best look.
Another good look is neutrals. Wardrobes require basic building blocks of neutral colors to mix and match; for the red-haired woman, the best of these are black, navy, tan and brown. Black works fabulously for redheads, and a variety of browns are appropriate, too. Look for chocolates, cinnamon browns and rich tans. Navy blue should be in the closet of every red-tressed (wo)man.
Blue is not your friend.
Oh Boy…
Your author has some work cut out for him on this.
If you are female and on the heavier side, then, first of all, you need to embrace your age and shape because you are more beautiful than you think of yourself. By embracing your figure, age, and accepting the change in your body, you need to dress accordingly.
To wit:
Go for darker shades of jeans if you don’t want to highlight your heavy body parts like thighs.
Whatever outfit you opt for, make sure your waist is well defined. For that purpose, wear a beaded belt that is not too wide.
With a plus size figure, you can carry wrap dresses, tunics, tailored outfits, maxi, and hugging pencil skirts very well.
Invest in printed and contrasting outfits as they have the concealing property.
Don’t wear outfits that are too loose or too tight. Wear well fitted, tailored outfits.
Don’t wear outfits with fur and fringes as they add more volume to outfit.
Go for outfits with deep necks and say no to round necks as they make one look bulky.
Stay away from the tight clothes and you’ll be alright.
We’re back as promised. In the meantime, how about a paid subscription of only $7/month?
OMfG... this is so funny, it's such a shame that it's really troubling at the same time. Mental illness sure aint what it used to be :|
Clearly, men are no longer "afraid women will laugh at them", but I suspect that is because women are too afraid of being called "Terf" and "Transphobe". Not I! This would be a great one, mind you we're spoiled for choice, for tomorrow - which is AGP Awareness Day. Or "Troons' Day of Visibility" as I like to think of it.