Fuck It, I'm Trans Too!

Where's My Budweiser Endorsement?

Do I At Least Have The Right Hair?

Dylan Mulvaney has given me an idea and it is this:

I should be trans, or just pretend I am like Dylan is pretending.

I want to have Drew Barrymore get on her knees and worship me with zero critical thinking skills involved to tell me how valid I am to a national TV audience.

I want cosmetic companies like Ulta to suddenly drop actual women who have been their loyal customer base for years.

I also want an audience with The President of the United States in 222 days, less time than it took in years actual black people to get the same thing.

Oh yeah, let me also get up on some of those Tampax dollars!

There’s no way Dylan’s been on HRT for a year. It’s a money grab. He doesn’t plan on transitioning any further. Once this dies down and he stops making money, he’ll pretend it never happened.

Just as I will pretend it never happened.

A Rare Moment Of Honesty

As my most excellent friend Matt Osborne at The Distance writes:

”Men transform themselves into “trans women” and vice-versa with plastic surgery, hormones, voice lessons, a new wardrobe. It all costs money. Capitalism recognized a market that could be constructed and then exploited. We do keep up with the Joneses, as capitalism figured out a long time ago. You can be the “real you,” whatever lunatic or pornsick or traumatized self-image that is, for the low, low price of your body’s health. Caitlyn Jenner signaled the elite acceptance of the “trans woman” as a “female body” on the cover of New York Magazine. So did Gabriel Mac, vice-versa.

Status gained.”

Yes! I, too, desire some of that sweet status. Sign me up!