If you thought the detrans scene couldn’t get any more unhinged, grab your popcorn. A group of online crusaders spent weeks parading Boston Police Report #I252109508 like it was the Zapruder film of sexual assault. They claimed it proved Simon Amaya Price and Claire Abernathy had committed a heinous rape against Kaitlyn Twing.
Then my Most Excellent Friend Matt Osborne at The Distance actually read the damn thing.
Turns out it’s less “smoking gun” and more “smoking clown car.”
The Report That Couldn’t Even
This masterpiece of law enforcement paperwork features:
The complainant’s birth year magically teleported two years into the past
Abernathy’s birth name creatively re-spelled like a drunk autocorrect
Inconsistent charges that can’t even agree on who supposedly did what
A “rape” investigation that consisted of… a telehealth call over a week later. No rape kit, no urgency, just vibes
Final status: “Incomplete.” Like a middle schooler’s group project the night before it’s due
No charges. No arrests. Just pure, unadulterated chaos in PDF form.
Enter Erica “Hendrix” Moise
Leading this expedition was Michigan attorney Erica Moise (online alias: Hendrix), who apparently decided “I’m not just going to tweet about this — I’m going to road-trip to Boston like it’s the climax of a bad heist movie.”
She rolled up with the crew, helped drop this masterpiece of a report, then joined the victory parade on X as if they’d just cracked the Watergate of detrans drama.
Honey… the only thing that got cracked was basic fact-checking.
Moise, a lawyer who presumably charges people real money for professional legal work, attached her name to a document so sloppy it looks like it was written by three raccoons fighting over a Red Bull.
The Plot Twist
While they were busy turning one messy adult encounter into “The Boston Horror,” the actual report reads like a rejected Law & Order script. All parties were adults. The grand “rape” narrative collapsed under the weight of its own typos.
It’s the legal equivalent of showing up to a gunfight with a pool noodle and calling it artillery.
This whole saga is peak 2025–2026 internet: serious accusations, dramatic threads, heroic self-inserts… all built on a police report that couldn’t spell its own witness’s name correctly.
Matt’s piece in The Distance is worth your time. It’s one of the most thorough public takedowns of a nothingburger I’ve seen in a while.
Moral of the story: If you’re going to try to cancel people with official documents, maybe make sure the documents aren’t written like a fever dream.
You won’t make it after all.
