Hey, Substack squad! Buckle up, because we’re diving into a spicy tango pop roast that’s got more heat than a Tehran summer. Our target? Johnny (yep, that’s India Willoughby to some), who’s been lighting up X on June 22-23, 2025, with posts claiming Iran’s got “better trans rights” than the UK or US. Spoiler alert: he’s dreaming harder than a reality TV contestant chasing clout. So, I cooked up a 120 BPM Tehran Tango diss track, dripping with sultry shade, to set the record straight—and I’m offering to buy his one-way ticket to Tehran and even pack his bags. Let’s unpack this roast and why Johnny’s X fantasies don’t survive a reality check.
The Setup: Johnny’s X Meltdown
On June 23, 2025, at 11:00 AM PDT, Johnny was still at it on X, waving the #TeamIran flag and preaching that Iran’s a trans paradise compared to the West. He’s throwing shade at JK Rowling, the UK, and the US, while cozying up to a regime that’s anything but friendly to freedom. His posts, brimming with anti-Israel and anti-West rants, paint Tehran as some progressive utopia. But hold the phone—Iran’s trans “rights” are about as liberating as a straitjacket. So, I grabbed my metaphorical tango shoes and wrote a track to roast his delusions, set to a 120 BPM tango pop beat that’s equal parts seductive and savage. Think Shakira’s Objection (Tango) meets a Gotan Project fever dream.
Why Roast Johnny? Iran’s Not What He Thinks
Johnny’s X posts claim Iran’s trans rights outshine the West’s, but let’s get real. Iran’s trans “policies” are a dystopian nightmare dressed up as progress. Since a 1987 fatwa by Ayatollah Khomeini, Iran’s been pushing mandatory sex reassignment surgery (SRS) on gay people, labeling their identity a “mental disorder” that needs “fixing.” Non-binary? Forget it—that doesn’t exist in Iran’s binary-only world.
Oh, and if you’re caught engaging in homosexual activity, it’s trans or die!
Trans Away The Gay
In the Islamic Republic of Iran, homosexuality is a crime punishable by death and as such you’re not likely to see any Pride Parades on the streets Tehran anytime soon but there does exist a loophole in the law – a fatwa that was issued in 1980 by then Ayatollah Khomeini after being so moved by a story he was told by a man who believed himself to be wom…
Life as a trans person in Iran means harassment, social exile, and violence—sometimes deadly, like the 2024 case of a father killing his trans teen. Police raid your life, censor your online presence, and subject LGBTQ+ youth to electric shocks for “conversion therapy.” Johnny’s outspoken X rants? They’d land him in a Tehran jail faster than you can say “free speech.” Subsidized GRS sounds nice, but it comes with poverty, stigma, and no legal protections against discrimination or hate crimes. This ain’t the trans utopia he’s tweeting about—it’s a trap, and Tehran Tango lays it bare.
The Airfare Offer: A Savage Send-Off
In the bridge, I’m not just roasting Johnny—I’m practically booking his flight. Why? Because if he’s so in love with Iran’s “better” system, let’s see him live it. I’ll grab my wallet for that one-way ticket and pack his bags with a smirk, knowing Tehran’s reality will hit like a cold shower. No rainbows, no pride, just a regime that’d silence his X megaphone and force him into their mold. The tango’s seductive, but the dancefloor’s rigged with thorns, and Johnny’s twirling right into them.
What Awaits Johnny in Iran?
If Johnny (India Willoughby) landed in Iran, he’d face a brutal reality far from his X claims. Iran’s trans “rights” require GRS, with invasive hurdles: virginity tests, parental consent, court oversight, and a “disorder” label. Non-binary identities don’t exist, and trans people endure harassment, social exile, and violence (e.g., a 2024 father killing a trans teen). Police raids, censorship, and conversion therapy (electric shocks for LGBTQ+ youth) are standard. His X posts criticizing the West or supporting dissent would risk imprisonment or worse. Subsidized GRS means poverty and stigma, not freedom, making my airfare offer a deliciously savage roast.
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