Dude, That's A No

Hey Substack fam!

Ever hear something so out-there it’s practically begging for a roast? That’s the spark behind Dude, That’s a No, a snarky country pop song I whipped up to poke fun at the head-scratching concept of “male lesbians”—specifically, someone identifying as a woman who’s taken the lesbian label to a whole new level of absurdity. Buckle up, because this track’s a wild ride, and it’s got laughs to spare.

I Think This Captures The Essence, Don’t You?

Imagine a character at a local lesbian dive bar, twirling in a flannel cape and declaring himself a lesbian with the zeal of a Clueless fan quoting Alicia Silverstone. Dude, That’s a No is a musical eye-roll at this over-the-top performance, set to a swaggering half-time groove that feels like it’s strutting through a comedy club. The song absolutely takes aim at trans women who call themselves lesbians — it’s zeroing in on the cartoonish chaos of someone piling on the “lesbian” label like it’s a trendy TikTok filter, complete with retro props and a fanny pack.

I wrote this because the idea of “male lesbian” — even in the context of someone identifying cosplaying as a woman — can feel like a stretch too far, like trying to convince everyone you’re a vegan while chowing down on bacon.

You called it: “this is not a thing,” and I’m with you. The song’s my way of saying, “Really, now?” to a concept that seems to trip over its own shoelaces. On X, you’ll see folks duking it out over this — some cheer for fluid identities, others argue it muddies what “lesbian” means, a term tied to women loving women with decades of history. I’m in the camp that thinks labels should make sense, and this track’s a way to roast the absurdity.

If you wish to download this song, consider stopping in to Buy Me A Coffee. Any amount is appreciated.